Tuesday, July 14, 2009
i finally got internet again. bleh. well.
yesterday was GB day. it was also the first GB day i missed after 6 years. the seventh GB day in my life that i didnt don the blue frock. the first time i wasnt part of th flurry of activities, rushing every where in the uniform, nearly suffocating in th heat. i guess i never realised how much i liked wearing it till now. i didnt like 'like' it. i just liked it because it gave me a sense of belonging. something i have lost forever...
-when are you
coming back? ;
Sunday, July 5, 2009
why cant they just let me be happy? is it so hard? is it so terribly wrong to let me be genuinely happy here and there? i live a lie everyday but can i tell them the truth? 31 Dec 2008, the last time i told them the truth. i had a chair thrown at me for that. so the best resort? live a lie, hide behind a facade, fake a smile, try to laugh, let the world think you have the best life possible when in truth you can only let out your feelings in the shower cause they cant tell whats tap water and whats tears. go through each day with your head held high, when in reality you're down in the dumps. pretend you're so happy, when in truth it hurts so much to smile when you dont mean it.
God knows im not perfect. they're christians. so WHY CANT THEY JUST BE SATISFIED. my life goal is to fulfil their wishes. before my own. i give up so many things because their appetite is just so large. no matter how much i do its never enough. acting is tiring, but i cant let up. its been half a year already, i should get used to it right? its going to continue till the day i die. living MY life the way THEY want it. when i do something stupid next time, its because i couldnt take it anymore. and also because it was already coming for a long time.
-when are you
coming back? ;
Sunday, June 21, 2009
im praying very hard that God will make me strong because thats the only option left....
-when are you
coming back? ;
Friday, June 12, 2009
I HAVE A DEAD BLOG =.- HAHAHAHA
anyways whatever i like to blog cuz i like to talk to myself.
call me weird, whatever. gee/
anyways so hmmm wednesday was like NILA UTAMA DINNER :D damn funny hahaha so we met thn we walked arnd abit trying to decide whr to eat..aft much discussion and spastic ramblings around and indecisiveness, we ate at pastamania...damn funny and we were all talking and laughing very loudly and being all random and retarded...hahaha so was like at first damn hungry but we all laughed till we were full...literally, and practically choking on our food too..not practically, come to think of it. REALLY choking. thn aft tt we wandered to the arcade and some of them played the hockey thingy...thn the car-driving-whatever-you-call-it-not..then we had a brilliant idea lets try para para.cuz thr are like 8 steppy thingys right and thrs 9 of us. so zihan and enoch took turns to watch then the other 8 of us each positioned at 1 steppy thingy HAHAHA was damn funny but leg cramped=.-
then after that i went home first yeah, sadly..yesterday i went to study alone, today too, but not much OH NO HOW?!?!?! hahaha...nvmd, at least now i know of a few other places i can study at..I MISS THE AIRPORT! but my mummy dont let me go cuz of H1N1=.- sian hahaha...
LALALALA EUNICE IS AT CAMP AND TESSA'S IN MSIA AHHHHH IM SO LONELY HAHAHA
-when are you
coming back? ;
Saturday, June 6, 2009
MAINLAND SINGAPORE ROCKS :D
okay OBS wasnt THATTHATTHAT bad but i dont exactly want to repeat it. an experience to rmb though. ahs ppl jy but urs is diff yeah so no worries haha..still, i kinda miss pulau ubin alr. too used to it i guess hahaha...i've been lying in this position for relatively the whole day cuz my knees hurt whr i fell and my arm is damn screwed frm muscle ache.OWWWW. yeah..the food sucks. dinner is cook ourself im fine. but breakfasts and lunches are all in plastic packets. like every possible bread and biscuit ever we just rip open an assortment for a meal...like butter, chocolate chip, vanilla, peanut butter, strawberry jam, strawberry cream, apple cream, kaya, red bean (is that all yet?), wholemeal and white breads and like peanut butter, digestive, oreo, sultana. chocolate cream, lemon cream, wheat, butter, chocolate, cheese, vege biscuits. damn gross i was sick of it by the first meal cuz wehad to unpack all our rations. stewed cabbage tasted damn goood luh for once hahaha.
anws i survived with only almost fainting THREE times. just three, pro eh? i didnt even expect to make it hahaha..thanks to melissa, brenda, iynhuii, zihan, charmaine, weiling, aiysha, sihui, jolin, ruzanna, enoch, melina, natasha, julliana, jessie, steven, nicholas, titus, valeriengieng, valerie, joey, samantha all you great ppl who asked me if i was okay(: especially at the almost-faint-before-sea exp.
and especially brenda and iynhuii and melissa and weiling who are constantly making me eat so that my glucose levels would stay okay(:
and charmaine and weiling who are my kayaking partners and were with me as we almost died paddling like siao and were shouting motivational stuff at the lap from camo1 to camp2:D
and all my sleeping 'partners' over the 4 nights: brenda, iynhuii, melissa, qingyang, charmaine, sihui, aiysah.especially thrid night when me charmaine brenda and sihui were gossiping like siao and i laughed till i had spasm attacks HAHAHA
and zihan and steven and brenda and iynhuii who made me laugh like crazy on the last night dinner so that i forgot my seasickness
and NILA UTAMA + DAYAH (our fab instructor) FOR THE BEST OBS EXPERIENCE POSSIBLE WE ARE A GREAT GROUP AND WE OWN
1/6-5/6: my OBS journey, a camp to remember, the good and the bad the ups and the downs i survived
-when are you
coming back? ;
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
tdae a bunch of us tried to watch the coffin on youtube..the trailer was SCARYY...which obviously then piqued my interest...its damn funny to watch horror with zihan and steven extra-ing behind...cuz they'll make alot of stupid comments like how come can touch the ghost...or they'll make crazy sound effects and sing songs HAHAHA..anws sophia and tianli went to rent the proper one so we can watch properly tmr:D hahaha wonder if i can sleep aft tmr:O YAY tmr we gna go ECP for ide LOL..and the chers say we can eat macs thr:D:D:D hahaha that was definitely what we heard the most clearly>< hee
yikes gotta write poem NO INSPIRATION
-when are you
coming back? ;
Sunday, May 17, 2009
homework can wait, gee whatever:/
sometimes i dont know what to do with myself...jump off a building? go stand in front of a speeding car? gee i dont know i just want to stop being alone and thinking too much... having nobody but yourself to count on sucks... because when yourself cant take it no longer, you buckle, and there's nobody to push you up. nobody... something is wrong with me something is very very wrong... i used to be so damn open now i cant even tell anybody anything... and i start crying at every small thing all the time its a wonder my eyes arent tiny slits yet. hell, there's something wrong with me, but again, there's nobody to count on. nobody. at all...
i miss my old self...at least then i dont even think about my behaviour...weird honestly weird...ah shucks... i need somebody
-when are you
coming back? ;
